The Fork In the Road – Winning and Losing

I’ve read several books in the last few months about youth sports, most of those about baseball. The current trend of most authors in this genre is to make the goal for every kid to win. This can build certainly confidence in youngsters. It can make them enjoy the game earlier in life, and that can lead to a deeper appreciation of the game. Some people love baseball and learn all about the rules of the game, or statistics (current and historical), or about the interesting stories of players throughout the years.

But baseball is more than that. One of the most important things that a young ballplayer can learn from baseball is about winning. Specifically striving to win. Winning a game is a result of working towards a goal for a period of time and earning the success. You have to work on your individual skills, and you have to work with others to have success for your team. Learning these lessons early will help anyone learn to succeed in life.

Being on the team that loses a game does not make you a loser. Throwing the pitch that an opponent hits for a walkoff does not make you a loser. Dropping a fly ball or a popup that lets the other team score the winning run does not make you a loser. One important lesson we need to teach is that losing today’s competition should never define you, because today’s loss doesn’t make you a loser. You can and should prepare to win next time. That’s an important lesson to learn for most for a fulfilling life.

Kids are smarter than we realize. If we never keep score in a competition, it becomes just an activity. Activities are fine for most aspects of youngsters lives. But if we remove all possibilities of disappointment from their lives, we lose the opportunity to help them learn to compete and learn what it takes to succeed.

Failure isn’t a dirty word. It’s embraced by individuals who have taken a punch in the nose (or several), and only then became truly motivated to succeed. Walt Disney was fired by a magazine editor who told him he “lacked imagination and had no good ideas.” Abraham Lincoln had many failed attempts for public office before being elected president. Steve Jobs was fired by Apple’s Board before they welcomed him back and started the change to make it the world’s most valuable brand today. And in baseball we have Jackie Robinson, who not only had to succeed in the game, but had to deal with the deep-rooted racism that the US had in the 1940’s. To these people and many others, the thought of losing felt far worse than even winning felt good.

Shockingly, ballplayers can reach college (even high-level Division I programs) without understanding how to win. College coaches now go through competitive team building exercises that they never had to before.That’s for a lot of reasons. Some youth baseball programs keep the focus on participation too long through older age groups. It looks like success when everyone is told they win, and few people complain. Another reason is that with the explosion of travel baseball programs, many ballplayers never had to compete for a spot. he and his parents just found a team that promised him the shortstop position, and that was it. But without competition and someone or something challenging you, there’s no incentive to work hard and be great. Do we want to teach our children to accept mediocrity?

Don’t get me wrong. I value participation and inclusion of as many as possible. I even like participation awards for five and six and seven year olds. Because from participants and “samplers” you get kids with goals, dreams, and burning desires. And learning throughout life will make curious youngsters into inquisitive teenagers and adults that always seek knowledge and facts and improve themselves and those around them.

Yet life does keep score. We compete for grades, for jobs and business partnerships, for customers and bonuses, for a coach to notice us to offer us a spot on a team. We’ve “competed” for girlfriends and boyfriends, significant others and spouses. For acceptance into the colleges we in which we see ourselves happy and successful. We compete for things every day. Hopefully not everything and not all day, because that’s just too stressful for most everyone. and hopefully not for unimportant things like the fastest line in the supermarket.

But if we remove all scorekeeping, we remove competitiveness. We remove the chance for passion and greatness. We may remove some temporary sadness and disappointment, but parents (and to some extent coaches) can use losing as a springboard, as real life example of why practicing anything and everything is what leads to you to success. Why a youngster should practice baseball or a musical instrument rather than play video games. To study rather than to hope for an easy test and a good grade. To do more rather than to do the minimum.

So is learning about winning and losing important? You bet. You will savor your earned victories, and become motivated from your failures. Winning is never permanent and losing is rarely fatal. Go work towards success.

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